Should I Email The Teacher About This? Encouraging Self-Advocacy

Not too long ago, the only way to reach your child's teacher was to leave a message for her to call you back or just wait for conferences. Either option gave parents time to think, "Is this something that needs to be shared?" More often than not, I'm willing to bet the answer was no.

Today, email has made communication between home and school faster than ever. Don't get me wrong, at times this is great! Michael will be in late today. No problem! Sarah had an issue with the school bully? We're on the case! 

Still, every once in a while, the fleeting thoughts of parents who just tucked their little ones into bed make their way into our already overflowing inbox. So before you hit that send button, check out these real email messages my colleagues and I have received that maybe could have stayed in the draft folder.

"The class next door played a video and the sound distracted my child."

Anyone who has lived in an apartment before knows the struggle of trying to take a nap while your neighbor blasts his Top 40 playlist. You might knock on the door and ask him to turn it down a bit, but ultimately you may still hear it. You will survive. The same goes for school. Besides, it's very unlikely that our children will one day work in an environment void of all noise and distractions. 

Instead of sending that email, have a conversation with your child about strategies for refocusing on the task at hand. Practice mindfulness by taking several deep breaths or take a short break. Chances are the class next door will make noise again.

"My child left his homework folder in school."

This happens daily. Believe it or not, teachers will find out about it the moment they check in the homework. A great way to help build your child's independence is to allow them the chance to share the message themselves. 

Rather than email, talk to your child about ways to address the situation with his/her teacher the next day. This conversation allows teachers to brainstorm strategies with the student in the future and allows your child a chance to take ownership of the situation.

"The art teacher is not calling on my son after he held his hand up for a while."

If this is something that is truly happening often, contact the specific teacher directly. That teacher will respond more kindly to the information if it's kept between the two of you, rather than getting your child's classroom teacher involved. 

Although, this is a great opportunity for your child to mention his feelings to the teacher before or after class. Try rehearsing the following phrasing with your child:

I'm learning a lot in your class this year, but I feel like sometimes I am not being called on. I would love the chance to share some more of my ideas.   

There's a very good chance the teacher will respect the student's request and admire the maturity he/she is showing. Speaking up for oneself is an important life skill. 

"I would like a bi-monthly email check-in for how my child is doing."

On average, an elementary school teacher has about 25 students in her class. If they did this for every child, the request would constitute 50 check-ins each month, or 500 per school year! Teachers already send report cards, fill out progress reports, and hold parent-teacher conferences. They'll contact you sooner if an issue arises. 

Alternatively, start a daily check-in routine with your child. At first, they might not share much more that, "School was good," but they're likely to open up when they see how interested (and relentless) you are. Not to mention, it's also a great time to practice interpersonal conversation skills!

                                              

So, should you send that email? When in doubt, consider the following: "Will my child have the opportunity to advocate for themself in this situation?" Chances are having a conversation with kids about ways to handle the situation will serve them much more throughout their lives. Give them a voice and they will rise to the occasion.