Parenting Styles From a Teacher's Perspective

Stand up comedian, John Mulaney, said it best:

"Kids are much more supervised now, but also, they have a lot of rights. Like, that’s the biggest civil rights increase I’ve seen in my lifetime. The rights of children have gone through the roof." [The Comeback Kid (2015)]

Kids are allowed to do so many things now without any regard for consequences. In fact, too many of my fourth graders this year hardly knew the concept of this mysterious word, "consequence." You mean I can't do whatever I want and get away with it? This mentality stems from a few different areas. School district policies often play a role in this, but I'll save that for another day. Today, I want to focus on how the parenting styles of today are impacting kids.

Parents should have strong relationships with their children that allow them certain freedoms, but what does that really look like? After several eye-opening parent-teacher conferences and conversations with students as well, I've narrowed parenting down to three common approaches:

• Best Friend Parenting
• Do-No-Wrong Parenting
• Balanced Parenting

Each has its pros and cons, but (spoiler alert) in my opinion, balanced parenting is the way to go if you want to raise well-rounded, respectful future adults. Here's why...

 Best Friend Parenting

Parents are not their children's friends. I'm sorry I had to be the one to say it, but it's true.
Too many times, I've worked with students who struggle to show respect toward adults as well as their friends. It's a growing phenomenon that's creating the "All About Me Generation."

I want it? Mom will make sure I have it. She'll go out of her way to make sure I'm happy. She won't tell me when she disagrees with the choices I've made, and if she does I'll blow it off as just mom advice.  I'll never get in trouble for it, so what's the harm of giving it a go?

We all know this kid, and it's so hard to see when it's your own. Parents want to be liked by their kids, I totally get it. But humor me for a second...I want you to think back to your favorite teacher growing up. I'm willing to bet that he/she was loving. You knew a lot about them as a real person, what they liked, and disliked. You knew they cared for you not because they allowed you to do whatever you wanted in class, but because when you made a mistake they talked to you about it and gave you opportunities to learn from it. They showed you how much they cared through both a smile and a firm understanding that they were the teacher and you were the student. You felt safe and valued.

You don't have to be your child's best friend as they are learning how to navigate the world. Trust me, you'll still be able to have that type of relationship with them when they're older because you've made them feel safe to make mistakes and learn from them all throughout their childhood. Set boundaries. They'll thank you for it in time.

Do-No-Wrong Parenting

This one this the worst, hands down. These are the parents who see no fault in anything their child does and blames others for their kid's behavior. I've heard it all: "My son would never do that." "She only did it because so-and-so did it first." I even had a parent argue with me during a phone conversation that her son would never hit a girl. This was after I witnessed him doing just that during recess earlier that day.

Look, no one wants to think that their kid is the troublemaker, the one making poor choices, or the one misbehaving. But by pretending they aren't and defending their behavior, aren't we encouraging the endless cycle to continue? If your child isn't making a good choice, it's only a reflection on you if you make excuses for them. Do society a favor and teach your kids right from wrong, rather than accusing everyone else.

Balanced Parenting

Alright, we made it to the one I hope all parents, including myself, aspire to try on for size. It's the style that's tried and true.

Be kind. Be positive. Be encouraging. 

At the same time,

Correct mistakes. 

Admit when they're not perfect. 

Provide consequences.

Talk to your children like they're real people, not just that cutie that you would do anything for (although of course, we would). We want to make life so easy for our kids, but in doing so we're creating a generation of little monsters. So balance it out with a healthy mix of fun and realism. You'll thank you, teachers will thank you, and most importantly, your kids will thank you in the long run. A little bit of everything is the way to go.